DailyHappyLiving.com

gopimenon July 20th, 2010

Last week my grandson celebrated his First Birthday.   My son and daughter-in-law had planned everything very well and so the party went without a hitch!  The decorations were fine, so was the food, and so too were the guests and all of us enjoyed ourselves tremendously!

However the incident that made me think of God in a new light, came after all the guests had left, leaving just the immediate family! The doting parents were viewing the video that had been shot of their son blowing out the candles on his birthday cake.   The child was so happy that he was clapping his hands in glee when the guests finished singing the birthday song.  After blowing out the candle, when everyone clapped, the birthday boy too smiled widely and clapped.

The parents were so thrilled and happy at the sight of their child being happy that they kept rewinding the video to see it again and again! Why were they so happy?  Because they saw their child being happy!

Then it occurred to me:  If we as parents can be so happy to see our children happy,  would not God the omnipotent Parent also feel happy when we are happy? The answer is “Of course God would!”   Nothing could make God happier than have his creation (humans) enjoying themselves and being truly happy in this world of God’s creation, just as any doting parent would!   So it stands to reason that God would be happy if we were happy and not if we were miserable!

Unfortunately for us and the world, all of us are brainwashed from birth with teachings that make God out to be a vengeful, vindictive, autocratic dictator instead of a loving, caring Parent!

We are told to Fear God, to Obey God, to Pray everyday so as to Pacify the vengeful God!  We are told to feel guilt because “We are Sinners”;  “We are born on Earth to work out our Bad Karma”; that this wonderful world is like a Penal Colony to which we were banished from paradise because our first parents disobeyed God!

How vindictive must God be to punish all the following generations of children for a ‘sin’ committed once by a parent? How wicked must God be to create a horror called Hell to place his children in ‘forever’ just because they disobeyed Him?  How we do malign God to think of God’s compassion and love in such horrible terms!   But that is what we have been doing for ages and still continue to do so!  Our every belief about God is an insult to everything good in the Creator!

No wonder we find it difficult to be happy!  We turn everything good God has created and say that ‘this world is evil’, ‘people are sinners’, ‘life is an illusion’, and so on!  We are told we cannot be and should not be happy in this life but must suffer now so that we can reap the rewards in our afterlife! What crap?  But that is what is being preached even now!  Worst of all even educated people who should use their God-given power of reasoning, fall for such blatant untruths and continue to teach the same negative ideas to their children.   Then they complain God is not fair, the world is full of evil etc.

According to the Law of the Mind which we use in Affirmations, whatever we repeat to ourselves and continue to focus on we will attract!  So if you keep repeating that “I am a sinner” everyday, can you expect to become a saint? Of course not!  You will continue to remain a sinner and become a worse sinner if you believe such thoughts!

It is time to look at God in a new light – as a loving, compassionate, caring parent who has set up everything we need in this world to experience, enjoy, grow, be fulfilled and be happy in this life NOW and not only in the hereafter!

How much happier would we be if we believed in such a loving, caring God?   And that is the truth – God is loving, God is caring, God has your best interests at heart!  How can it be otherwise when even his creations (humans) can show so much love and caring to their own children? God has got to be the most wonderful Parent we could ever dream of having!   So let us Love God (not Fear God) and be grateful and happy and live a wonderful life here and now!

By looking at all the wonders of creation in this world, we can be confident that when our time is up on this plane of existence, God would have created an even better world for us to inhabit.   So have no fear for the present or the future!  Don’t listen to the false teachings of fear-mongers who only hope to control you by fear!

As always let me say again:

If you will reason things out for yourself using your God-given mind and discernment, and not just follow blindly what some so-called masters or gurus are saying, then you can make Happy Living a habit and a reality!

Will be back soon with more Tips on Happy Living.

• fear , gratitude , happy living , law of mind
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gopimenon July 4th, 2010

Today’s post is an excerpt from my latest ebook entitled “6 Golden Rules of Happy Parenting“.

When it comes to talking to older children, especially teenagers, it is necessary to respect them and trust that they will act responsibly, when faced with any situation!

NOTE: This rule comes in at #5 because for it to work we need to have applied the other 4 Rules while bringing the child up from a baby!

1. Stop forbidding them anything! Tell them “It is your choice, but accept responsibility for your choices!”
2. Always ‘persuade rather than command’!  Let them feel it is in their own interest to do something.

The second principle above “Persuade, Rather Than Command”  will be illustrated in the story below which is another article I wrote long ago, but never got around to publishing!

The Case of the Recalcitrant Calf

Your first response could be: “What the heck does recalcitrant mean?”  Not to worry – the meaning will become clear when you read the story!

This story involves the famous writer (Emerson I believe), who was holidaying at his farmhouse in the country.  One fine day the great man found that a calf had wandered into his living room.

He first tried to shoo it away, but the calf had other ideas.  He then called his son to help. The son tugged at the head while Emerson pushed at the rear, but the calf would not budge! They tried in vain for several minutes to get the calf outside and had just about given up.

Just then their milkmaid happened to pass by carrying a pail of milk and they hailed her.  She observed the situation calmly for a moment.  She then dipped her thumb into the pail of milk, walked up to the calf and placed her thumb in its mouth.  The calf quietly followed her, busily sucking on her thumb. The maid and the hitherto recalcitrant calf made their exit.

Emerson was left nonplussed.  For all his intellect and wit and wisdom, a mere chit of a girl had succeeded in doing what he and his son had failed to do!

The moral of the story: A calf, or even people, can be `led but not driven’!  You do not need a PhD to persuade others to do what you want, but you do need common sense.  To lead someone we need to know what that person wants or needs. The same thing applies to parents and equally to children.

Now back to the `big’ word. By now I’m sure you know that recalcitrant means stubborn (intractable, refractory or intransigent).  Then why did I use the uncommon word instead of the common?  Simply because the uncommon tends to be remembered better.

For example: How many of us know of `The Son who Wastes Money’?  But I’m sure all of you remember the story of `The Prodigal Son’.

*****************End of Article**************

Other topics I discuss in the book ‘6 Golden Rules of Happy Parenting‘ with actual real-life examples for applying each rule, include the following:

Rule #1:  Treat Each Child as a Human Being and NOT as Just a Child! (Don’t fall victim to Parental Pride Syndrome)

Rule #2:  Never Discipline a Child When You are Angry! (How to discipline with love)

Rule #3:  Always Treat the Child as Priority (and act with their interests in mind – not that of friends or relatives!)

Rule #4:  Learn the Art of Saying NO to a Child! (Don’t forbid outright but …)

Etc.

If you would like to check out the book just CLICK here:  Happy Parenting Rules

Will be back with another Happy Living Tip soon.

Cheers!

• happy living , parenting
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gopimenon June 27th, 2010

Recently there has been a lot of news reports about horrific problems with schoolchildren, teenagers and youth in general.   Some of the problems include `extreme ragging’ causing death of new students, ‘bullying’, ‘teenage pregnancies’ and even ‘molest and rape’ at  the school compound!

Such things were unheard of in our time, just a couple of decades ago!  What has gone wrong?  As always people complain about the teachers, discipline masters, and headmasters of schools.  They also point fingers at the police.  But nobody seems to talk about the root cause of all these problems – Poor Parenting! If good parenting were still in vogue, then we would not need to have such pleas to leave our children alone as shown in this street art.

Parents nowadays are too busy with their careers to spend enough time with their children inculcating GOOD VALUES!  They feel that they are doing their part by providing the children with food and money for their education and expect the teachers at school to teach them good values!   They forget that the persons with the most influence on their children are themselves, or they are too busy to take the trouble!

It does take time, it takes patience and it is a little trouble to teach your children good values - such as considerateness for others, courtesy, keeping their word and other aspects of good character.   But it is not impossible if you make it a priority.

Of course children are a priority; a well brought up child grows up to be a stable, caring, matured adult who is an asset to society, the country and the world! But a badly brought up child is a burden on society both socially and economically!

The biggest lesson of all that a parent should teach a child is to feel empathy for another!  This one quality alone will overcome almost all the bad behavior that we encounter among youth.   If we teach them from the time they are toddlers that they have to feel what another feels; that their actions should not hurt another; then we are over the greatest hurdle!

So we teach them to share their toys and not just grab another’s toy.  We ask them how they themselves would feel if somebody snatched their toy.   Children are very malleable – they learn whatever their parents (or any trusted caregiver) teach, either by their words or actions.  Children also learn by example! So if you forbid them from smoking while you chain-smoke, then they are NOT going to listen to you.

If a boy has been taught from young to respect girls, then he would grow up respectful of girls and women when he is a teenager. If, instead, all he sees is callous behavior towards women by the men in his life or even in movies and TV shows, then that is what he learns!  It is worse if such behavior is endorsed by so-called religious male chauvinists. The boy grows up thinking it is okay to mistreat women and feels no compunction at all for his discourteous acts towards women!

Talking about empathy, I am appalled at the way some parents treat their maids and thus teach their children it is okay to treat people who work for them as lesser humans (who can be treated as slaves).  These parents should take to heart the statement “There but for the grace of God, go I”!

These employers are blessed to be in the fortunate position they are in and  should be grateful for their own good fortune and sympathize with the lot of the maids.  They should realize that if things were otherwise, it could be they or their children who may have to do menial work!   Then how would they feel?  That is empathy – to feel what others feel if they were in the others shoes.

So it all starts from the home – a happy family with caring parents who know how to balance discipline with love, will always raise happy, stable kids who will grow up to be a joy and a blessing to the world! Let not parents pass over this huge responsibility of raising kids with good values, to the school teachers or police or other authorities.

Over the past nearly 40 years,  I have tried to bring up my three sons with good values using perhaps somewhat contrarian methods.   I have just published it in an ebook format which you can check out here: “6 Golden Rules of Happy Parenting“.  It is a 43 page ebook which contains real-life examples of bringing up children with a good balance of discipline and love!   I sincerely hope that this will be my small contribution to help parents in the critical task of raising exemplary children.

Cheers.

• happy living , parenting , social ills
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gopimenon June 10th, 2010

I feel that the essence of Happy Living is to do everything in balance.

Whether it is material, intellectual or spiritual pursuits it is essential that we don’t overdo or ‘under-do’ any one thing.   Sayings such as ‘the happy mean’, the ‘mid-path’ and so on, all refer to balanced living.

Repression is just as bad as over-indulgence. It is often said that ‘too much of  a good thing is bad’, but we sometimes tend to forget that ‘too little of a good thing’ is also bad!

We are well aware of the problems of over-indulgence and repression when it comes to food – obesity, anorexia and bulimia!

It is absolutely fine to enjoy your food but eating too much leads to obesity and its associated problems of ill-health.   Despite the cliche of the ‘jolly rotund man’, obesity does not make for happy living.

Similarly eating too little (excessive fasting) or avoiding good food leads to emaciation and in the worst case scenario – eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia!

The same logic applies to work and play situations.  ‘All work and no play’ leads to stress and frustration with all the accompanying ills.   Some people in this category end up in hospital with heart attacks, while others need psychiatric help for mental depression.   If only they had balanced their work, with vacations and time for the family and friends, then such problems could have been avoided.

Similarly ‘all play and no work’ leads to boredom which is just as problematic.  Some resort to life threatening sports to compensate for their boredom while others even consider suicide as a solution!  All for lack of balance in their lives!

This principle of ‘balance’ applies even to so-called selfless actions such as community service, charity work and so on.  Too much of ‘selfless service’ without any thought for personal needs is just as bad as being selfish and over-indulgent!  There must be a balance between the needs of the body, the mind and the spirit! Overdoing any one to the detriment of the other does not make for Happy Living.

Repressing our sex instincts (e.g. catholic priests) is just as bad as over-indulging (e.g. Tiger Woods) etc.  A little wine is good … too much may give you a hangover!…

All these problems (bulimia, stress, depression, sex-addiction, alcoholism, anorexia, obesity, etc.) come about because of a lack of balance in our lives.   The main culprit for these imbalances are the ‘false teachings’ and religious doctrines that seem to control all of our lives.

So called learned figures claim they know what we should do and what we should refrain from doing and even the amounts and ratio…. But the truth is God knows better and He has programmed us far better to do the right things (if only we have faith in our own intuition ..

We are too afraid to question these ‘questionable teachings’ because they have been given an aura of  ‘sacredness’!

We are afraid to use our God given will power and intellect in choosing the best possible ways to live – so that Happy Living can truly become a way of life.  Instead we always give in to those so-called ‘gurus’ or prophets who claim to know everything – the past, present & the future.  But the only one who knows all the past, all the present and all the future is God – not any man who claims himself to be a specially chosen one of God!

To be continued…

• happiness , happy living , pursuit of happiness , unhappiness
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gopimenon May 14th, 2010

Hi There,

Today, after a long delay and much procrastination, I finally managed to finish an article I had been thinking of completing to submit to an ezine!  And when I finished it I had a new burst of enthusiasm, a renewal of energy.  I was so elated – I could not believe how happy I felt!

I realized then that this could well be a great Happy Living Tip.

___________________________________________________________________

Happy Living Tip #9: Complete a Long Delayed Task or Chore!

___________________________________________________________________

Just go ahead and finish something you have begun and wanted to complete, but have been procrastinating.

It does not matter how simple a task it is:

• perhaps you have been wanting to clear your work desk of all the clutter
• perhaps you need to replace a hinge for your cabinet door
• perhaps you just need to run an errand for your spouse, but have kept forgetting and postponing the task.

Whatever it is (no matter how mundane), when you get down to doing it and completing it, you will be rewarded with a joy that is totally out of proportion to the task you just performed!

I am sure that you too must have had this feeling of exuberance, satisfaction and joy when you finally get down to it and complete a project or a job or even a chore.

This task you know you should complete would have been sitting at the back of your mind and niggling away constantly, bothering you to take some action.  It may not have been uncomfortable enough to make you take action at once, but it would be irritating enough to keep you from enjoying your other activities.

Speaking of procrastination, it sounds like a disease and I guess it is in a way.  Here is a Powerpoint presentation that explains it in detail.  I enjoyed these slides on ‘Taming Procrastination’ by Mary McD at http://www.slideshare.net/marymcd/taming-procrastination

Coincidentally, today I also came across this unique site dedicated to this problem of Time Management, with an interesting title – Think TQ,  where TQ stands for Time Quotient!  I was impressed enough by this site to put their TQ Daily on my website.  You can check it out on the right sidebar if you like.

Cheers.  Expect happiness!

• happy living
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gopimenon May 10th, 2010

In earlier posts I have mentioned that feeling gratitude is one of the ways to remain happy.

The question that then comes up is this: “How can I show gratitude to my Creator?” “Is it by making offerings of flowers, fruits, candles etc, or by observing penances, or fasting…?”

Personally I feel that an easy way to show gratitude to God is by looking at everything we find in creation with wonder and amazement! For example:

• When we see a flower and enjoy its very presence and wonder at the magic of life that creates such colors and aromas from the dark and dank earth that the plant is growing in – then we are showing gratitude!
• When we see a baby and wonder in amazement at its mental and physical growth, then we are being grateful.
• When we see an ice cube float in a glass and wonder at how the solid ice can be lighter than the water, then we are showing gratitude. (See my earlier post on Happy Living Tip #5 )
• Etc.

I call these little things ‘daily miracles’.  If we would stop taking all these daily miracles for granted and appreciate them as wonderful, then we are showing gratitude to the Creator!

Just two days ago I had an occasion to experience this wonder with my one-year old grand-daughter, Hiranya:

We had been teaching her about the various parts of the body and she was learning fast – she could point out without fail her eyes, head, ears , hair etc. in a very cute manner.   We had also shown her to touch her chest when we asked her: “Where is Hiranya?”

The other day, when she was leaning her head on her Father’s shoulder while being carried, I asked her “Where is Hiranya?” and without hesitation (or raising her head from her dad’s shoulder) she just patted her rump in answer!  I was surprised to say the least.  This may not seem like much at first sight but to me it showed how fast her brain was growing.

You see, she could already differentiate the various parts of her body and would point to her rump when asked “Where is Hiranya’s bum-bum?”  So she was not making any mistake – she was actually answering my question .    She patted herself on her rump in answer to the question “Where is Hiranya?” instead of moving away from her dad’s shoulder and touching her chest because it was easier and more convenient for her to do!

Her brain had started synthesizing information; she now had an awareness of herself as an entity – the baby Hiranya!  She knew that her rump was also part of Hiranya the baby girl!  She knew the difference between her ‘ego’ and her ‘body’ – isn’t that marvelous?

How can I be confident that she had not just made a mistake?  Later when she was sitting on the floor and playing with her toys, I asked her again “Where is Hiranya?”  and she unhesitatingly touched her chest with her palm!

To me, observing little daily miracles like these and expressing my appreciation is one of the best ways of showing my gratitude to the Creator and to this Life!

Try it!  Instead of taking everything good in life for granted, and making a fuss about the bad, just reverse it.  Accept the bad things as just events that happen and appreciate the good things with wonder and amazement!  This will make happy living so much easier.

• gratitude , happy living
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gopimenon April 16th, 2010

Hello There,

I am sorry for the long break from posting.

How time does fly?  I can’t believe that it is already one year since I wrote a post entitled ‘Happy Birthday’ dedicated to my first grandchild Hiranya!   So I guess it is the right time to talk about the ‘Joys of Babysitting a Grandchild’!

A couple of weeks ago, a close relative got married and had a wedding dinner at a hotel in Kuala Lumpur.  When my wife and I arrived, we found that my son, his wife and daughter (Hiranya) were already there.   When the baby saw me from about three tables away she began to point at me and hold out her hands, asking to be carried!  Of course I happily did so!

But what I want to talk about is just how amazing a thing that little act was - a one-year old baby being able to recognize one person out of the sea of faces at the wedding dinner! How does the little brain register and sift through all that information – the hundreds of faces, the loud music, the babble of the guests talking, the movement of the waiters, the food on the tables etc.? But it is able to do so!  That is the miracle of life.

Every little thing the baby does is a cause for wonder – its first sneeze for example.   Even we as adults do not know all the muscles that have to be used in perfect timing (the eyes must be closed, the lungs must be able to drag in enough air, and the stomach and chest muscles must release all the pent up air in one small explosion through the mouth and nostrils!)   But the brain, or rather the  mind, is able to do all those myriad activities in an instant!  And to think that a baby’s just developing brain/mind can also do that easily!

Why am I talking about these little things (that we normally take for granted) in amazement and wonder?

I am merely applying Happy Living Tip # 5 (Look at Common Daily Miracles with Childlike Wonder & Amazement) and Happy Living Tip # 4 (Start a Gratitude Diary) – so that I can remain happy on a daily basis!

Thus I become aware of and enjoy the fact that everything that this body and mind is doing for us automatically, (without us knowing or even caring about it) is part of the Universal Source Energy (or God) and I am grateful!

While babysitting a grandchild, I am able to observe all these little miracles (baby’s first word, first step, first smile, etc.) with a greater intensity (no distractions such as a job or traffic jams) and this gives me boundless joy.   I think that the reason why a grandchild gives so much joy is because the love between a grandparent and a grandchild is truly unconditional!  As a grandparent we do not look forward to anything in return – all we want is to see the grandchild happy!

You may ask “What about a parent and child – can their love not be unconditional?”  Very rarely, because of the following:

1. ‘Parental pride syndrome’ which most parents suffer from.  They want to bask in the ‘reflected glory’ when their kids do well at school or excel at sports!  That is why there is excessive interest in tuition classes (even for kindergarten kids), and piano classes and karate classes etc.   When is there time for the child to be a child and enjoy childhood? But all these excesses are rationalized as “It is all in the child’s best interest and for the child’s future!”
2. Expectation: Also every parent cannot help but have some expectations of their child – that they will love and care for them in their old age.  But such thinking is not unconditional love – it is reciprocal love!

Reciprocal love is what is common in the world, whether it is between lovers or between friends – it is always conditional!  Imagine if a man loves a woman but she does not reciprocate – does he still love her unconditionally?  A friend breaks your heart – do you still love the friend unconditionally?  No!  It is not possible to have truly unconditional love.

But for a grandparent it is different!  He/she does not expect to live long enough to even see the grandchildren as adults.  So there is no expectation of the grandchildren having to repay them.   The love they have to give is truly unconditional and it therefore returned by the grandchild as unconditional love too!  And the beauty of it all is that unconditional love is truly Joyful – no expectation, just a feeling of being happy in the present!

Wouldn’t it be great if  we could truly love others unconditionally?

Expect Happiness!

• gratitude , happiness , happy living
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gopimenon March 20th, 2010

Several years ago I had already realized that nursing a hatred towards an individual for his actions towards me was counter-productive to my happiness! I have written about this in this blog under Happy Living Tip # 6 – How to Forgive Someone.

However, it is only recently I realized that I am still nursing another form of hate, which is not directed at an individual! I am talking about the pet hates that each one of us has – that seem justifiable!  Because of this ‘mantle of respectability’ we have given to hate, all of us (without exception) have pet hates and peeves!  Worse still, we are even proud of our hatreds and express them loudly and passionately!

Some of us hate Politics and Politicians, some hate Lawyers, some hate Injustice, some hate Religious zealots, some hate Immigrants of other Races, and so on!  Furthermore, we believe that it is right to do so. We rationalize and justify our hatred by saying things like: ‘it is right to hate wrong’, ‘it is right to hate evil’, ‘it is right to hate injustice’ and so on.

However I have now come to realize that nursing ANY form of hatred (even seemingly justifiable hatred) is a sure way to being Unhappy!

It is strange that it took me so long to come to this realization, since I espouse Happy Living in this blog.   The reason why it took me so long to recognize that ‘Hate is NOT a component of Happy Living’ is because I had learned to give credence and some form of respectability to ‘hate’ as a necessary emotion under certain conditions!

We have all been taught that it is right to hate injustice, to hate evil, to hate child abuse and so on. We have concluded that it is right to do so and that we are doing some good by hating evil!

Personally I have always hated ‘child abuse’, ‘rape’, ‘injustice’, ‘unfairness’, ‘abuse of power’,’ bullying’, ‘road hogs’ etc.   I justified my doing so saying that I was right to hate these things!  However, being right did not make me any happier!

Every time I thought of an injustice – e.g. child abuse or rapists,  it only made me think of taking violent revenge on the perpetrators.  I wished that the law would treat them more harshly, even torture them as punishment – ‘an eye for an eye’?

Thus my mind would be filled with such negative thoughts and images and the emotions I generated were ones of rage, vengeance, etc.  The end result of nursing such thoughts and emotions within me was that I felt miserable and physically sick!

Only recently did I realize that allowing myself to indulge in such thoughts was one of the main reasons for my unhappiness and poor health! It was counter-productive to the happy living which I try to promote.

So I have decided to refrain from reading about, talking about or thinking about such things (as far as humanly possible); although at times the urge to indulge in condemnation of some faction or group is so difficult!  Looks like I’ll have to bite my tongue each time I feel like going off on a pet rant!

Anatomy of Hate

Whatever it is that we hate (whether it is justified or not), the emotions created by hate is NOT one of happiness!  We may feel ‘pleased’ that ‘the perpetrator got his just deserts”, ‘vengeance is done’ etc. but it does not create a ‘feel good’ emotion.

Simply put, “Hate does NOT generate good feelings!” When we hate someone or something, the feelings that arise is our mind are those of anger, revulsion, revenge, etc.   And none of these are feel-good emotions!

As an example, just think of a toddler you love - immediately you get a warm good feeling, a smile comes to your face automatically when you imagine the child’s antics and you feel good.   Now think of someone or something you hate – what feelings engulf you?  Are they feel-good emotions?  Or are they emotions that make you feel upset?

Of course you will find that in every instance, the feelings generated by hate is one of hurt, anger, revenge, etc. – unhappy emotions, not happy ones.

So let us stop being proud of our pet hates and stop expressing them passionately at the slightest provocation, to anyone who will listen! Also let us be aware when we are holding on to ‘hate thoughts’ in our mind and just let them go. By choosing to replace the ‘hate thoughts’ with ‘loving thoughts’ instead we can indeed create Happy Living as a reality!

• happiness , happy living , unhappiness
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gopimenon February 28th, 2010

Hi There,

Today’s post is all about how I had to really use most of the Happy Living Tips from this blog to stay happy in spite of circumstances!  It also explains why I was unable to add any new post in the past 3 weeks.

The past three weeks have been really ‘eventful’ – not necessarily in the best possible way!   Here’s a little breakdown of all the little ‘challenges’ (better word than ‘problems’) that came up – in no chronological order:

1. My computer crashed!   It chose the worst time of the year to do so – during the Chinese New Year festival!  In Malaysia that means for at least one week there will be NO computer shops open to carry out repairs on my Laptop Computer.   Hence no Internet access, no updating of blogs, no emails, no online marketing campaigns!
2. My health crashed! I was down with a flu whole of last week – just recovered but still have congested chest and coughing spasms.
3. My 6 year old car with manual transmission – the clutch started slipping whenever I changed gears!  Have to replace the clutch pad and the seals – can cost several hundred Ringgit!

In addition there was some bereavement issues to deal with:

• My brother-in-law passed away on Valentines day.
• A wonderful couple – close friends of mine, lost their son to cancer – the boy was only 15!

So how and what exactly did I do to keep my Daily Happy Living principles intact?

First the bereavement issues:

Untimely Death:  I can only imagine how devastated my friends would be at the loss of their son at such an early age.   So now their family of four is down to just three – one daughter.  But I admire how they cope with their loss!

When I arrived at the church in Kuala Lumpur for the funeral, I was surprised to see an unexpectedly large number of cars parked in the compound.  I went to the main building and a wedding was in progress!  I asked about the boy’s funeral and I was told that it would be held at a small chapel at the back.   Talk about ‘how life does go on!’  A wedding in front, a funeral at the back!

I went to the chapel and I was impressed that my friends had put up a large ‘happy’ montage of photos on a wall.  This showed all the good times they had with their son – the picnics, the holidays, the brother-sister relationships,  places they had visited as a family etc.  Unlike most funerals where they would just be mourning,  here they wanted to celebrate their son’s life – for the joy he had given them in his short span of 15 years on earth.

I paid my condolences to the Father and the Daughter who were present.  I asked about the Mother, thinking that she must have been too distraught to be there to receive the visitors, but was told that she was busy writing the eulogy for the ceremony! Imagine that!  But this couple have always been special – from the time I met them about 7 years ago as my sponsors in a nutrition company, they have always showed a rare kind of steadfastness and strength.

Continue Reading »

• bereavement , happy living , unhappiness
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gopimenon February 4th, 2010

Hi There,

When I talk of ‘The Cinderella Complex’ as it pertains to Happy Living, I am NOT referring to that which was described by Colette Dowling -  who wrote a book on women’s fear of independence, as an unconscious desire to be taken care of by others, based primarily on a fear of being independent.

Neither am I referring to ‘Cinderella’s Syndrome’ as first named by Dr. Peter K. Lewin in 1976, in a letter to the editor of Canadian Medical Association Journal.  It describes false accusation by adopted children of being mistreated or neglected by their adoptive mothers.

The above are referring to individual cases.  However,  I am talking about the whole world  suffering from a set of beliefs that I call ‘Cinderella Complex’ for reasons that will become clear in this post.

In the fairy tale of Cinderella, we are told of a ‘good’ person (Cinderella) suffering unjustly but patiently from the wicked Stepmother and her daughters.  Her only help is from a Fairy Godmother who helps her go to the ball and find her a Prince Charming who then finally sets her free and they live happily ever after!

Just analyze some of the beliefs that we are fostering on our children with that tale:

• The good people have to Suffer with Patience and Forbearance whatever injustice they are forced to endure.  (Therefore expect to suffer if you are a good person!)
• They do NOT have any power to help themselves – they have to wait for an external Savior (Fairy Godmother) or a Hero (Prince Charming) to save them.
• The world is separated into 2 clear cut Parts – Evil & Good (with no gray areas in between).

These are the same kind of beliefs that all human beings are taught as children – by our parents, our school teachers and our religious teachers, by our movies and books etc.

• We are powerless as human beings in this world – we are at the mercy of Fate, the Devil, and other Evildoers
• All we can do is pray for a savior or a hero to help us – and if we pray hard enough and suffer long enough, the hero or savior will appear and save us from our troubles!

But how true are these beliefs?  How many cases do we know of ‘good’ people being saved from their ‘suffering’ by the appearance of a savior?

In real life, it is we ourselves who have the power to alter our ‘fate’ and design our own destiny!  This is what all the success stories of the world shows – the rags to riches stories (there was never any Fairy Godmother) who magically lifted them out of poverty!

The struggling inventors, writers, poets, painters, entrepreneurs etc all achieved their successes by their own belief in their dreams and the hard work they put in, and their persistence.   Sometimes the Universe helped them by ‘synchronistic’ events that were actually brought about by their own diligence and strong belief in success!  But by and large, there was NO White Knights to slay the dragons and save them!

Unfortunately, since we are all brainwashed into accepting the ‘Cinderella Complex’ from early age, most of us find it difficult to break away from such negative and self defeating beliefs!  Many of us still cry out in prayer, do fasts & penances, give offerings etc in the hope that we can bribe or extort some help from the Gods!

We fail to realize that the Creator has already given us the power to design our own lives;  we don’t have to stoop to try and appease or please God in all the silly ways we have been taught to do!

The Creator would be well pleased with us if only we were to exploit fully the talents that we have been born with – by ‘not hiding our light under the bushel’!  To do that we must become aware of what it is that we truly desire to do with our lives and then go for it confidently!

The unchanging and neutral Laws of the Universe and the Laws of Mind will provide the synchronicity required to ensure that we succeed.  All we need is to understand some of these basic principles (see World According to Gopi & Why Does God Allow Bad Things to Happen – Part 2)

Unfortunately, this idea of a special Hero with super-powers has been around for ages (e.g. Samson, Ulysses, Hercules etc.) and is even now being echoed in the Movies! A whole village is under the control of an evil leader and only the appearance of a hero from outside can help to overcome the villain!

This is true for both Western movies (think ‘Magnificent Seven’, ‘Shane’, Zorro, etc. etc.) as well as Eastern movies.  The vast majority of Indian movies exploit this theme to the nth degree – one unarmed ‘super hero’ overcomes dozens of gangsters while hundreds of villagers watch!  I used to wonder “Why doesn’t any of the hundreds of onlookers do something when atrocities are being committed by a dozen thugs?”  If only they were to take concerted action together, they could easily end the suffering and the humiliation!  Instead they stand around just looking (even when the one hero is fighting tremendous odds) – because they all suffer from the Cinderella Complex!

Like the case of a baby elephant which is tethered with a strong rope or chain and finding itself unable to break free, finally decides that it CANNOT break free, so that even when it is grown to be a 3 ton giant, it can still be held in place by a small chain.   Because it has forgotten its own powers.  So too the men and women suffering from the Cinderella Complex have forgotten or given up their own powers and now prefer to remain at the mercy of others!

Thus let us remember that the Cinderella Story is just that – a fairy tale and is NOT representative of real life!   If we want to experience a happy life, we should just go out and create it for ourselves, believing that we do have the power to do so!   Let us not wait for a White Knight, a Hero or a Fairy Godmother to alter our lives for the better.

Expect Happiness!

• happiness , happy living , unhappiness
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