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gopimenon August 23rd, 2009

In an earlier post Happiness 101, I defined Happiness as follows:

• Happiness is a state of mind when we FEEL GOOD – whether it is because of External  pleasures (of the Senses),  Internal pleasures (of the Mind) or Internalized pleasures (of the Soul)!

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Most of us think happiness is got from external sources and so we set about pursuing happiness outside with great gusto.

But the fact remains that Happiness is mainly a State of Mind! And the state of the mind depends on the thoughts we focus on.   Thus by focusing on happy thoughts we can create a happy, peaceful state of mind!

Then and only then can we enjoy or appreciate the external pleasures.  If we are not happy or at peace within,  external or sensory pleasures alone will not make us happy! For example if there has been a death in the family, can we enjoy our favorite food, drink or music or even company?   Of course not.

But if we were already in a happy state of mind (say we passed an exam with flying colors, or got a promotion we have been wanting), then we can really enjoy all the external pleasures.   These external pleasures are what I call Happiness Enhancers – which should be pursued with passion but not obsession!

I have touched on this subject earlier under the post entitled ‘The Problem with Being Happy’ but it is important enough a topic to revisit!  To recap:

What is a Happiness Enhancer?   A happiness enhancer is anything that increases or intensifies our happiness.   It can only increase the happiness that you already have;  if you are unhappy in mind then it cannot be of much help.  A happiness enhancer can be any of a hundred different things and vary from person to person.   An example will clarify better:

EXAMPLE:  Let us take the case of a small family consisting of a father, mother and 3 children.  They have a comfortable income and they communicate well with each other and can be considered to be a happy family.   One day while watching the Travel Channel, the children are excited at seeing Disneyland.   The parents then decide that they want to take the kids to Disneyland – it becomes one of their goals! So they excitedly plan, save some money and in due course of time take the kids on a holiday to Disneyland!   That is an example of a Happiness Enhancer – the goal or purpose of letting the kids enjoy Disneyland gives the parents new motivation, new excitement and enthusiasm.

NOTE:  It is not that the family was unhappy to start with.  They were already happy;  not making the trip to Disneyland would not make them unhappy;  but going on the holiday would enhance or increase their happiness by giving them new adventures, experiences and new memories.

Happiness Enhancers can vary from person to person but generally, they are anything that can make one feel good.  Examples are: Continue Reading »

• happiness , happy living , pursuit of happiness
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gopimenon August 17th, 2009

Hi There,

In almost all my earlier posts in this blog, I seem to have only talked about how our MIND and our THINKING can help us achieve Happy Living! However life being a paradox, today I am writing about the exact opposite:

How ‘non-thinking’ and ‘not using our mind’ is one of the happier states of living that we can experience!

When I look back at my life, I find that some of the happiest occasions are when I am NOT thinking but DOING something!  When I am so engrossed in an action that I totally forget about the passage of time or the people around me!  This can happen whether at play or at work – although some of the examples I remember best is during play:

• While playing a game of tennis, during a prolonged exchange of shots back and forth, I am totally focused on the ball and nothing else. I am NOT thinking about the score, NOT thinking about winning or losing the point, not even thinking about where to play the next shot – but just hitting the ball instinctively and with absolute focus.  On days when I can play like that, I find I am the happiest – no matter what the outcome of the game, win or lose!
• Similarly, during games of chess at home, there are times when I am so totally engrossed in the game that I have no idea that a couple of hours have passed. When we finish the game and I look around, only then do I realize that some friends have visited and gone; that some of them had been watching the game; that I had drunk several cups of tea and had some biscuits which my wife had set before me. I was so totally immersed in the game that I was not aware of anything else. By the way, those were the most enjoyable of games, rather than the ones where I was constantly aware of the people and surroundings and thinking about the outcome of the game!

• During a game of pool (billiards), when I was so absolutely focused on the game that the I could see each ball so vividly and the table pockets seemed as big as wash basins so that I could pot the balls from all angles.  I just could not miss and ended up beating the best player in the club – just that one time!

But this does not only happen during play. Sometimes when I am so involved in my work ‘technical writing’, I really forget the passage of time and am not aware that it rained heavily for an hour or so, or that it is way past my lunch time – until reminded by my wife.  At such times not only do I get a lot of work done but feel happy when I am finished!

This is also referred to as ‘living in the moment’, being exquisitely aware of the particular thing you are engaged in, just enjoying it (NOT thinking about anything, just experiencing it fully). This can be as mundane as drinking a cup of coffee, or cleaning dishes, or writing a letter. Even in making love, ‘non-thinking’ makes for more happiness than worrying about performance!

Thus, though it seems paradoxical, ‘non-thinking’ living in the moment with absolute focus on your present action is just as natural a part of Happy Living as is ‘thinking’ and choosing to think happy thoughts!

However, it would be impossible to live every moment of your life in such a way.

For truly happy living on a daily basis, you would need to balance out these times of intense focused action with time for thinking (for dreaming, for planning, for nostalgia, for memories, etc.)

• happiness , happy living
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gopimenon August 13th, 2009

Hi Friends,

Just what is our Primary Motivation that makes us carry out any action?  Is it money, love, greed, revenge, compassion, or fame?  Actually it is none of these!  There is one basic motivation that prompts us to take any action:  We want to FEEL GOOD or THINK that we will FEEL GOOD!

Granted one person’s idea of feeling good may be totally different from another (some may even seem totally perverse) – but everyone acts in a way to feel good or think that it will make them feel good!  Just think of all the various ways in which we act:

• Some people eat at roadside stalls while others eat at expensive restaurants!
• Some prefer to spend while others do the exact opposite and save their money!
• Some drink alcohol and others are teetotalers!
• Some are vegetarians while others cannot do without meat!

So although the actions may seem opposite, the reason or motivating force behind their actions is always the same – they want the ‘feel-good’ feeling or happiness!

Sometimes people do things that may seem to be exact opposite of feeling good.  Take smoking for example.  I dare say that no one enjoyed their first puff!   Their body would have rejected smoke going into their lungs by coughing and choking!

But they thought it would make them appear ‘cool’ amongst their peers  and so they persevered.  Our bodies are very adaptable, and so after some time it accepted the alien smoke and finally got addicted to it.   Now the body needed the smoke to feel-good!   So even the smoker is smoking to feel good!

• Why was Mother Theresa involved in charity work?  Because it made her feel good.  For her it was far better than getting married and raising a family which would have made many other women very happy!

• Why do the women wear expensive jewelry (or buy them and keep them in a safe deposit box)?  They feel good when they wear it (or just thinking that others think highly of them when they do!)
• Why do teenagers have body piercings and tattoos?
• Why do we watch movies (whether horror, musical, comedies or action movies)?
• Why do martyrs give up their lives for a belief?  They expect to feel good in the hereafter!
• Why do suicide bombers set off bombs killing innocent civilians?  Because they believe that by ‘sacrificing’ their life here, they will be happy (feel good) in the afterlife!
• Music, novels, theater – intellectual happiness
• Public speaking – the applause makes them feel good
• Why do failed lovers commit suicide?  They don’t feel good without the other!
• Bungee Jumping, Mountain Climbing or Sky Diving – to feel good!
• And so on….

In every instance mentioned above, the Primary Motivation is always the same: To FEEL GOOD!

That is why in my earlier posts I have been saying that “We have been programmed for happiness! God wants us to be happy!” Therefore it should not be that much of a problem for us to make happy living a way of life since we are already programmed for happiness and we are motivated by happiness!

All we need is to change our belief systems so that we are in alignment with what God and Nature intended for us. In my next post I shall begin to explore the practical means of changing our beliefs so that they are aligned to our primary motivation – i.e. to be Happy!

• Motivation , happiness , happy living
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