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gopimenon October 22nd, 2009

It’s been some time since I posted another Happy Living Tip.   So for today I am giving another important tip on happy living.  This has to do with ‘forgiveness’, specifically on the practical aspects of forgiving.  So here is Happy Living Tip #6.

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Happy Living Tip # 6: How to Forgive Someone!

We always hear people tell us that it is good to forgive, ‘to forgive is divine’ etc. but seldom are there any specific details on ‘how to forgive’.   That is what this tip is all about.  We will explore the practical aspects of forgiving others.

To do this I have separated the people to be forgiven into 2 categories; namely ‘Strangers & Acquaintances’ and ‘Family and Close Friends’.  These are described below.

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Forgiving Strangers & Acquaintances:

The first thing to realize about forgiveness is that you are NOT doing it for the other person, but for yourself!   Because the feelings of anger, shame & hurt when you think about the perceived injury to your ego or self-esteem, is all within your own mind!  

And you continue to feel insulted or shamed and get angry when you continue to dwell on the ‘injury’ in your own mind.   Externally there may be nothing to show for the hurt you feel – the person who caused it may be gone for good or you may not meet him/her again.

If you have been following this blog for some time, you already know that your mind is completely under your own control – you can choose what thoughts you allow to stay or change those thoughts as you like! 

So how does it benefit you to keep thinking of the perceived injury again and again?  You are only hurting yourself repeatedly by your continuing resentment.  By continuing to think of tit-for-tat or revenge to get back at the person involved, you are only poisoning your own physical system!

The excess adrenaline rush is in your body, the hormonal imbalance is in your body, the side effects of these are also going to show up in your own body and mind!  You are not affecting the other person in any way at all.Once you realize this,  it is easy to forgive the other person.   Because by the act of forgiving, the one you help is yourself and not the other!

Also the forgiving act you do is in your own mind!  You do not have to go up to the other person and say ‘I forgive you’ or anything like that.   Just say inside your own mind: ‘bless you, have a good life’ or something like that,  and close the book on the incident!

Here is a test to know if you have really forgiven: If you hear the other person’s name mentioned and your mind does not immediately go back to that incident; if it does not affect you one way or another – then you have truly forgiven!   

If you can think about that person without feeling upset or hurt or envy, then you have truly forgiven!  On the other hand if you carry with you any vestiges of the perceived injury, then the very mention of the person’s name will bring about renewed feelings of upset and anger.

NOTE: For a first hand example of how I managed to learn to forgive and forget,  read my post “How I Overcame Road Rage!”

In my next post I will discuss the more difficult problem of ‘Forgiving Family & Friends’!

As always Expect Happiness!

Gopinathan

• anger , happiness , happy living , law of mind , unhappiness
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gopimenon October 11th, 2009

Today I would like to discuss another major cause of our general unhappiness – false sayings masquerading under the guise of ‘wisdom’ which cause us to feel guilty about acquiring material things!

There are many of these ‘wise sayings’ which began a long time ago and still continue to be repeated without any attempt at reasoning or logically examining them.   So for today I would like to expose just a couple of these so-called wise sayings for what they really are – pure drivel!

‘Wise’ Saying #1:  “You Can’t Take It With You!”

Who has not heard this admonition?  People regularly tell us this when we attempt to acquire material riches for the enhancement of our family’s lifestyle.   Others, who are too lazy or fearful of making an attempt to raise the standard of living for themselves and their family  also regularly use this as an excuse for not doing anything!

My answer if people tell me “You can’t take it with you” is this.  “Of course not!  Why would I want to?”  If people really believed in this adage, then there would be no travel industry!

When I travel to Venice and ride the gondola, can I take back the gondola?  When I stay at a 5 star hotel can I take back the hotel?  Of course some of us may try to sneak out the cutlery or monogrammed towels  – but generally we don’t expect to take back the superior bed or luxury bathtub!

When we study at a certain University campus, can we take back our room at the campus or the  friends we make or the swimming pool we swim in, etc.?  Of course not!  And we don’t want to. But does that mean that we should avoid the experience altogether,  just because we can’t take it with us? How ridiculous to even think that!

All we want to do and can do is take back the experience, the feelings, the joy, the excitement that we experienced when we were there! Similarly for the material things in this wonderful God-created world!   All these things are here for us to enjoy, to use, to experience, to help in our growth while we are here – that is all! To refuse to acquire and use whatever we can to enhance our happiness, just because ‘we cannot take it with us’ has got to be the ultimate in illogical thinking!

‘Wise’ Saying #2:  “This is all temporary, not permanent!”

So what?  Who wants this to be permanent?  We can enjoy life in all its fullness only when it is transitory!  God so designed this world that it is the transitory pleasures that make life worth living!  Nobody can enjoy anything continuously.  Take going to a play or the theater or to a great restaurant, or playing tennis for example.   Would you like to spend your whole life in the theater or at the restaurant or playing tennis?  Of course not!  Each of those things you enjoy when it is time-limited and not if you had to spend hours doing only that.

They tell me that this life is transitory and impermanent! How wonderful?  I don’t want to be an immortal on this earth. When I finish my experiences here on earth, I am happy to go to newer experiences in other dimensions, just as the Creator has planned.

They tell me that only my soul is permanent and immortal! How fabulous?  All the more reason to live a full, enriched, happy life here on earth before my soul takes flight! So now I can confidently look forward to life after death because I trust in the wisdom of God,  and I know that everything is going to be for the best.

How can I have this confidence?  How can I know that I will not go to Hell or some other vile place?  It is simply because I think of the Creator as a loving parent, a God of Love and not a God of Vengeance! 

When I read about the fires of hell and the horror images (see medieval illustration of hell below) created by some people to put the majority of humans in fear, I don’t know whether to laugh at their silliness or to cry at the injury they are causing to humans by making them believe in a dictator-like God.  

In fact personally I think it is an insult to God to imagine Him having created a horrendous place of torture & pain called Hell!

Let me ask you this:  “If you are a loving parent, would you take the trouble to create a place of lifelong punishment & torture for your children, just because they disobeyed you?”   If you are a normal, loving parent I know that you would only look for ways to forgive your kids and help them along – not punish them forever & ever!

Now let me ask you another: “If you, with your limited love and power can still show compassion to your children, how much more compassion and love will God show us, His children?”

Therefore to say that God has created a Hell (or Heaven) as eternal punishment or eternal reward for what we do in this short lifetime, seems to me to be nothing short of ludicrous!

In conclusion, let me just remind you the reader once again that one of the main keys to Happy Living is to use your powers of reason and logic to be discriminating before you accept whatever people say, no matter who the person is.   I will end with my favorite quotation:

“Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it (even if I have said it) unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense” – The Buddha

As I have said repeatedly, the above will be your passport to happy living on a daily basis.  See you soon with another expose’ of yet another ‘wise saying’!

• fear , happiness , happy living
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gopimenon October 3rd, 2009

Today, let us consider the effect of fear on happy living.   A little fear is generally good because it is nature’s way of protecting us from harm whether physical or mental or emotional.   But too much fear paralyzes us and stops us from taking the actions we need to take to create the life we desire for ourselves!

It is a known fact that the biggest factor holding people back from the success they desire is fear!  Recently I came across a wonderful ebook about overcoming fears and phobias which explains all about fears and phobias and especially about how to overcome them.  Best of all this ebook is FREE when you subscribe to their newsletter.

So for today I would like to do a short review of this ebook.  First of all here is an excerpt from this ebook.

Fear is literally public enemy number one – Physically, mentally and spiritually…

When fear begins infiltrating your body, you notice unmistakable signs.  These include tightening of your muscles, especially in the neck, shoulder and back area; you may also feel a tightening or queasiness in your abdomen; tightness or pressure in the chest, shortness of breath, pounding heart, restlessness, and muscle weakness or shakiness in the arms and legs.

Not only that…

Research shows that fear can actually lower our immune system response. With the threat of a ‘global pandemic’ and accompanying ‘vaccines’, fear may be our worst enemy…

Beyond the physical sensations you may also notice negative emotions like defensiveness, irritability, frustration, anger, aggression, sadness, and helplessness. Continuously being faced with fearful situations can also lead to more serious physical and emotional problems such as insomnia, depression, lack of motivation, weight loss or weight gain, and paranoia.

For example if we have a little fear of walking alone in dark places, it is a positive thing because that can protect us from being attacked.   So we choose to go with friends instead of alone.  However if we have inordinate fear of the dark that prevents us from going out even in the company of friends, then it becomes a phobia.   A phobia tends to paralyze us and we cannot act at all!

Similarly a little fear of heights is a good thing, since we know that falling off can be physically dangerous and lead to serious injuries or even death.   Thus we will take extra precautions when we are in situations which call for us to work at great heights.  If we had no fear at all of heights, then we would tend to be careless which can lead to a fatal accident!

The point about fear (or any other emotion) is that we must not have it in excess.   Most normal fears can be overcome by using common sense precautions.   Thus normal fears are a part of happy living too.

However irrational fears or phobias (such as fear of cockroaches, butterflies, closed spaces, open spaces etc.) can be very traumatic.  This 59 page ebook contains 22 specific ways we can overcome our fears and even our phobias!   Some of the tools include EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques),  Affirmations, Sound Therapy, Sedona Method and so on.

I find it incredible that they are giving away the complete ebook, rather than a couple of chapters, for Free!  It is well worth checking out and downloading.  Use this link or click on the Be Free from Fear graphic on the sidebar to download the ebook at no cost!

As always Expect Happiness!

• fear , happy living
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