How I Overcame My `Road Rage’ Part II
gopimenon March 16th, 2009
In my last post I mentioned that I overcame my `road rage’ because of 2 separate things. The first was an epiphany I got when I was thinking about this problem. I later spoke about this insight at a Toastmasters meeting under the following title:
You Control Your Thoughts, No One Else!
Ladies & Gentlemen, tonight I am going to prove to you that `You control your thoughts, no one else!’
Let us say you get mild road-rage when a car cuts in front of you suddenly and you have to apply emergency brakes to avoid ramming into it. You become furious and feel justified in expressing your rage! You rant and rave and chase after the car, overtake it and then cut in front of that car – `tit for tat’.
So what have you gained? Have you taught the other driver never to cut in front of others suddenly? Or have you just enraged him further? You justify your actions, saying you have the right to be angry and there is nothing else you can do logically. After all it is his fault for nearly causing an accident and he should be taught a lesson, etc.
But I tell you that it is not the other driver who made you mad! It is you who chose to get angry because you believed that it was the right thing to do. You gave yourself permission to cultivate thoughts of anger in your mind. I shall prove it to you that you were still in control of your thoughts; you could have chosen to think differently and react otherwise!
As an example, let us imagine this scenario:
- After hearing you complain about how difficult it is on the road with bad drivers, a tycoon (say Bill Gates) offers you $1 Million on certain conditions. The agreement is that he will give you the money within 6 months time, provided that in those 6 months, at least 10 drivers had cut into your path suddenly, causing you to apply your emergency brakes – without any provocation on your part. Your car would be set up with cameras and audio (like in the Police programs on TV) so that there is proof.
With this motivation, I can guarantee that you will be looking forward to road hogs. Especially if you have already met 8 of them and there is only one week left for the 6-month period to expire! You will be praying for the final 2 more road hogs, who will make you a millionaire! In fact you may end up cursing the good drivers!
So what changed? Your perception and your motivation! You end up praying for something that you normally would have hated and driven you into a rage. This proves that you need not get angry and fly into a rage when you meet a road hog. You choose to get mad because you think that is the appropriate reaction!
Now think about this:
- How much energy do we waste everyday in such unfruitful matters?
- Is it any wonder that we are not as successful as we would like to be?
- If all the energy you waste on anger and vindictiveness could have been diverted into more productive channels, perhaps you could have made that $1 Million in the next 6 or 12 months!
So I believe that with this example I have proven that it is possible for us to respond rationally rather than react instinctively and inappropriately.
It is really YOU who control Your Thoughts (and thus your actions), no one else!
**************
That was the first realization which got me thinking that perhaps I could overcome my excessive anger on the roads.
But it was this second idea which I call the `Bless You Technique’ that helped me overcome road rage, almost instantly. Actually I read about it in a forum `The Science of Getting Rich’ and here is an excerpt of my post in that forum about my experience:
“……I would like to end with a little experience I have had since being involved in this forum. Formerly I used to have `road rage’. When a car cuts me off without flashing the indicator and causes me to brake suddenly, I would get so angry I would chase the offending car and cut in front of him causing him to apply emergency brakes – `tit for tat’! Otherwise I would spend hours fantasizing how to get back at the offender without getting into trouble with the police!
“A few months ago I happened to read a post where someone said that `they bless every thing or person that annoys or upsets them’ so as to maintain peace of mind. So the next time when a discourteous driver cut into my lane, I happened to say `Bless you’ just as a joke. That made me laugh – thinking `here someone has cut suddenly into my path and I’m blessing him!’ But the result was unexpected; by laughing I found that the anger had abated. I told my family about this technique and they reminded me to use it whenever I was driving.
“One day I asked myself, if I can bless those who are driving badly, then how much more should I bless those who drive well? So now I just bless everyone on the road (when I remember)
. Today I have no trouble at all on the road. Traffic jams used to bother me no end, now I just take it in my stride and get home in a great mood.”
Practical Tip:
May I suggest that you too just give the `bless you technique’ a try when next something or someone upsets you. You may be pleasantly surprised at the resulting happiness you get!
In forthcoming posts we shall consider some of the major reasons why people seem to generally lead sad, miserable and unhappy lives instead of practising happy and joyous daily living.
[...] NOTE: For first hand example of how I managed to learn to forgive and forget, read my post “How I Overcame Road Rage!” [...]