4 Step Guide to Resolving Conflict with Your Spouse

by Hobeth HD, on May 12th 2024

Resolving marriage conflicts
Source: Gettyimages

Marital conflicts are a natural part of life. Many people assume that the happiest couples never have quarrels, but even the best ones do. Learning to address these controversies with an open mind and in a healthy, harmonious way is vital to keeping a sane marriage. The following post includes 4 effective ways to ease a combative marriage.

1. Communicate Regularly

Communication in marriage should be open and straightforward without lies and deception. Agree to give each other definite time without distractions when the kids are off. Agree on a time that is suitable for both of you and allows enough time to think through and get emotionally prepared for the meeting.

Do not begin the conversation with “you” statements or by blaming your spouse. Rather, start with, “It makes me feel…” or “I feel…”. For example, try “I feel hurt when you…” instead of “You hurt my feelings when…”. This approach leaves your partner with less need to be defensive. While your partner expresses their own views, be an attentive listener, trying to see where they are coming from, even if you have the opposite view. When one finds a way to make the other partner understand him/her, the two are better able to find common ground and sometimes even a compromise.

The use of sarcasm, criticism, shouting, and name-calling can be detrimental to the quality of a relationship. Be as sympathetic as possible. The goal should be finding a solution for the problem, not blaming your partner. Let this be the time where you forgive each other for things said in anger or moments of frustration, heading towards reconciliation to build mutual understanding.

2. Find the Cause of the Problem

What often lies under apparent marital contentions are deep underlying causes of these disputes. There is a need for a caring approach that utilizes open communication to get at the heart of the individual struggles underneath the disputes.

For instance, when your spouse mentions that you forgot an event s/he considers important, the issue may be your forgetfulness, but the root cause could be that your spouse thinks s/he is not loved. If you are having an argument about money and spending decisions, the superficial issue could be your different views on money matters or finances, while the real cause might be your different attitudes towards money, financial goals, or stress about incomes.

It marks giving attention to the crucial matter and not just a materialistic reaction. Hence, people gain more insight into the issue, and they learn to find and implement the solution with a long-term perspective. Grant yourselves some leeway, stay away from blaming one another, and use the ‘how’ part of the approach to the fullest. While there is a right path to the problem, you should define basic aspects of your relationship such as intimacy, trust, respect, and support and agree with your spouse about them.

3. Meet in The Middle

Compromising is vital for resolving issues in such a manner that both partners’ needs feel acknowledged and fulfilled. There are two ways to look at things; what matters is if you accept each other’s perspectives. If you can, you two will have a more peaceful home environment.

It would be best to find a way to cool down after misunderstandings arise and then revisit the points of conflict to find common ground. Set ego aside. Instead of persisting in voicing the “right” stance or “winning” the argument, it is better to transfer your attention to understanding your partner’s side and priorities. Define a singular aim, areas of mutual interest, and an agenda that draw you together instead of apart.

Explore a diverse range of situations and be enthralled in the process of creating options to seek a win-win solution. First, try to realize what issues are non-negotiable for each of you and which are open to compromise. Compromise and reach a compromise with your spouse by conceding when it becomes necessary and agreeing to disagree.

4. Seek Assistance

If you have recurring conflicts or they escalate into a war of words, don’t miss the opportunity to seek a neutral person’s advice and help. The support of a marriage therapist arms you with communication skills as well as assists you to bring into the light the deeper-rooted aspects of the differences.

They (pastors and mature mentor couples) are also in a position to tap their experience and provide an outside perspective in case there is a deadlock, and they can mediate the disagreements in an ideal manner. In the context of individual counseling, the focus is on those issues that refer to perceptions, habits, or emotional baggage that might interfere with your communication or conflict resolution skills. Married couples can participate in workshops or read books that provide real solutions for their relationship problems.


Regardless of the quality of the husband and wife relationship, it can’t avoid experiencing some difficulties. Indeed, what is crucial is not the passive acceptance of the differences, but the active approach to break through them. Keeping within emotional depth, interactive relationships, and the commitment to compromise helps you to see through the differences in the proper way. With these 4 tips to tackle conflict, couples will no doubt have means through which to deepen the relationship and build a strong bond.

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